Time out baby

We recently began doing time-outs with Aaron. I had read somewhere that kids can understand the concept around 18 months. I had put him in his play pen for time outs a couple of times before 18 months when he had hit me, but hadn't used it on a regular basis.

We decided to use the rug by the back door for time-outs. One morning, Aaron threw a Duplo. I told him "no throwing" and he went to pick it up, and then threw it again. So I put him in time-out. I also read somewhere that time-outs should last about 1 minute per year of age, so I started with 1 minute. He doesn't stay put, so I have to keep putting him back in place until his time is up.

Later that day, or maybe the next day, Thom was with him in the dining room and he threw a Duplo. Thom didn't react, but Aaron crawled over and put himself in time-out.

Since then, he has put himself in time-out on several occasions. So he understands that time-out is where you go after doing something you aren't supposed to do. But so far, time-out doesn't seem to be a deterrent.

Time-outs aren't the only form of discipline we use. We have logical consequences for some activities. If he crashes his wagon into the wall, it gets put away. Throwing books gets them taken away. Spraying food from his mouth ends a meal. But for things that don't have easy, swift consequences we can impose, he goes to time-out. I hope it is effective. Kim claims it is. But I'm worried he already thinks it is OK to misbehave if he goes and puts himself in time-out afterwards.

Book Monkey

Aaron is really, really, really into books lately. More so than his Duplos anymore. I have reserved an entire shelf on his bookcase that holds toys in the dining room. We get some from the library and I am constantly looking for new ones.

In the morning, when Thom and I are still trying to wake up, Aaron will bring books over to us at the dining room table. In this picture, Thom is reading Ten Apples Up on Top which involves a lion, dog and tiger balancing apples on their heads. Aaron is pointing to the lion and saying "Aaaahhhhh" which is his version of "Rooooaaaar". The tiger gets a "Grrrrrrrrrrrr" and the dog gets something like "Woof Woof". He makes their sounds on every page.

He loves interactive books. This book is interactive because it has animals whose sounds he knows. His other favorite book is Caps for Sale because he likes to follow along with the peddler in the book (and us) and shake his finger at the monkeys, then shake his firsts at the monkeys, then stomp his feet as the monkeys. If he can't find the book on the shelf, he shakes his finger to say "I want the Caps for Sale book."

The other book we are reading over and over these days is Is Your Mama a Llama. He can't quite say "llama" yet, but he tries. Sometimes it is "ya-ma", other times "na-ma". As we read each page, he points emphatically (his body tenses up and he grunts) to the llama until either I say "That's the llama" or I ask him what it is. As soon as I say llama or he says "nya-ma", his whole body relaxes and he lets me read the page. But as soon as the page is turned, it starts over. Fortunately, it is such a cute book with great illustrations, I don't mind reading it over and over again.

Some other favorites that are not as interactive are:

The Carrot Seed - an old book with simple drawings, but for some reason he enjoys it.

I Love You Stinky Face - a great book I discovered at the library. A little boy asks his mama if she would still love him if he was a smelly skunk or a swamp monster and she reassures him she would love him no matter what. Aaron never picks this one out to read, but when I do read it, he doesn't rush through it, but lets me read each page and he seems to study the illustrations. It's so adorable, I had to order our own copy.

Dr. Seuss' ABC - a classic alphabet book that my mother memorized when her kids were young. And now I can recite it by heart as well. Aaron has already shown an interest in the alphabet and especially this book. No interest in the Sandra Boynton A to Z book, but he wants to read this ABC book every day. Beware - the board book version is a much abbreviated version of the classic I grew up with and even Aaron realizes it is inferior.

I love reading him books and having his sit in my lap. It is so cozy and sweet. But when I am eating breakfast or trying to read a little of the newspaper with my coffee in the morning, I am much happier if he can sit and page through his book of animals or his lift-the-flap farm book. But I know in a few short years, he'll be reading on his own and won't need to crawl into my lap to have me read about the apples and the caps and the llama who wants to know if your mama is a llama.

So if you need any ideas for a gift for Aaron for Christmas or his birthday next year - he would love a book. And we would too. You can only read the same books over and over so many times before you start to go a little nuts.

More walking videos

These videos were taken later the same day as the ones of Aaron in his PJs. Kim was taking video of him with her phone to show her family and I decided to take some more of him since he was practicing over and over and starting to act silly. In the two weeks since these videos were taken, he has improved tremendously.


In this first one, he started clapping for himself, which caused him to fall down. Within a week, he could walk and clap at the same time.

This next video shows how when he fell down, he would crawl back to his starting place next to the piano by the wall. Within a week, he started getting up onto his feet in the middle of the room - just once or twice. Mostly he would still return to his spot at the wall to get started. But last Friday, he practiced over and over again and now he can get onto his feet from the middle of the floor with just a little effort. You can also see in this next video how silly he was being. He couldn't decide where to walk and thought it was funny to change direction until he fell down.

Polling Place Problems

As I mentioned back on election day, I ran into a problem with the poll worker saying he couldn't find my name on the roster. Afterwards, I e-mailed the Registrar of Voters for my county describing the incident and asking several questions to help me in the future. I wanted to share her response since others might find this useful. (For privacy reasons, I have censored the part of her response that identifies the county in which I live.)

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Thank you for sharing your voting experience and for your patience and persistence to find your name in the roster at your precinct, even after going home to retrieve your sample ballot. In training we review and practice how poll workers should check the blue, white and then pink pages thoroughly for a voter’s name before providing them with a provisional ballot, but sometimes it proves to be a difficult task.

Let me respond to each of your questions below.

Q: Am I required to show my voter pamphlet at the polls?
A: No, it is not a requirement, but it does help poll workers find your name on the roster more quickly and to confirm that a voter is at the correct precinct.

Q: What options do I legally have if this were to happen again?
A: I do not know what legal options you have, but you can certainly ask to review the roster names with the poll worker as another set of eyes can be helpful.

Q: Can I ask for someone else to check for my name?
A: Certainly. You can also ask the poll workers to call the hotline for assistance.

Q: Is there anywhere else I can cast a ballot in if I have a problem with my polling location?
A: You are always welcome to vote here in our office in . We have permanent and temporary staff available to assist you.
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I think next time I would ask to see the roster myself and/or ask another poll worker to look for it. It is also good to know I can ask them to call the hotline or I can go to the office of the Registrar of Voters for help.

Say No to Violence Against Women

I recently learned about a UNIFEM campaign called Say No to Violence. According to UNIFEM, 1 in 3 women will be beaten, abused or worse in their lifetime. I remember before the war in Afghanistan, there was a lot of press about how the Taliban treated women and efforts to address it. But the subject seemed to drop off the radar.

Fortunately, UNIFEM is helping fight the abuse of women around the globe. You can help too, by signing the petition (in the widget at the end of this post). Their goal is 1,000,000 signatures by November 24.

For more information, take the following quiz and visit http://www.unifem.org/:

1. According to a United Nations report, how many women worldwide have experienced violence in their lives?
a. 1 out of every 3 women
b. 1 out of every 5 women
c. 1 out of every 10 women
ANSWER: (a) 1 out of every 3 women -- At least one out of every three women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused in her lifetime - with the abuser usually someone known to her. Perhaps the most pervasive human rights violation that we know today, it devastates lives, fractures communities, and stalls development.

2. What percentage of women who die by homicide are killed by a former or current husband or partner?
a. 20%
b. 50%
c. 70%
ANSWER: (b) 50% -- Based on several surveys from around the world, half of the women who die from homicides are killed by their current or former husbands or partners. Women are killed by people they know and die from gun violence, beatings and burns, among numerous other forms of abuse

3. In the United States, a 2003 report estimated that the direct costs of intimate partner violence were:
a. $900 million
b. $1.6 billion
c. $5.8 billion
ANSWER: (c) $5.8 billion -- A 2003 report by the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that the costs of intimate partner violence in the United States alone exceed US$5.8 billion per year: US$4.1 billion are for direct medical and health care services, while productivity losses account for nearly US$1.8 billion. Violence against women impoverishes individuals, families and communities, reducing the economic development of each nation

4. Which of these risk factors, for women aged 15 to 44 years, rates higher than rape and domestic violence?
a. Cancer
b. War
c. None rated higher
ANSWER: (c) None rated higher -- For women aged 15 to 44 years, violence is a major cause of death and disability. In a 1994 study based on World Bank data about ten selected risk factors facing women in this age group, rape and domestic violence rated higher than cancer, motor vehicle accidents, war and malaria

5. In a clinic in Zambia, how many HIV-positive women opt out of treatment due to fears of violence?
a. 20%
b. 30%
c. 60%
ANSWER: (c) 60% -- For many women, the fear of violence prevents them from declaring their HIV-positive status and seeking help and treatment. A clinic in Zambia reported that 60 percent of eligible women opt out of treatment due to fears of violence and abandonment. In 1998 Gugu Dhlamini was stoned to death by men in her community in South Africa after she declared her HIV-positive status on radio and television on World AIDS Day.

Happy Anniversary

Today is our 7th anniversary. 7 is the wool or copper anniversary.

After we got married, we decided we didn't need to give each other elaborate anniversary gifts, but we liked the idea of following the traditional anniversary gift ideas.

Year 1 is paper. I got Thom a book of poems. He made me a gift certificate to take me to Disneyland on a day of my choosing. (I had wanted to go for a long time and he wasn't thrilled about going, so this was a gift to me. We went the spring after our anniversary on a day it wasn't busy and got to ride Space Mountain 7 times - lines were 10 minutes or shorter.)

Year 2 is cotton. I got Thom pajamas and he got me a custom made sweatshirt that says "Humboldt Mathematics".

Year 3 is leather. I got Thom a leather picture frame and put in a picture he had taken of a tree on one of our vacations. He got me a leather bound book.

After three years of marriage, we bought a house. At that point, rather than surprising each other with gifts, we started picking something out together that we would keep long term.

Year 4 is fruit/flowers. We went to a nursery and got a flowering (silk floss) tree and 2 guava trees. The silk floss didn't survive, but we just started getting guava on both guava trees in the last year. Yum!

Year 5 is wood. We finally got a bedroom furniture set. From Costco.com. Setup and delivery included. Very happy about this one.

Year 6 is candy/iron. This was the first anniversary with a baby. We were lucky to get out to dinner (thanks to Lia and George). I looked around online for something wrought iron, but we never bought anything.

Which brings us to copper. One of our favorite metals. Thom has been wanting a wind sculpture ever since we saw them on a road trip in the southwest. And since they are made from stainless steel and copper, this seems like the perfect time to finally splurge and buy one. I think Aaron will like watching it. (That link shows how they look in the wind.) We get some nice breezes coming up off the lake so I think we should see a fair amount of motion.

Now I am waiting for my husband to come home with gourmet cheese, salami and bread - a treat for our anniversary. Last year, at the restaurant we went to, we had an appetizer with gourmet meats that was wonderful. We are trying to recreate it at home until we can get out to dinner again.

Guess who's walking?

Out little boy is all growed up. For the past week or so, he's been playing this game where he stands up against the wall by his electric keyboard, back to the wall, then tries to walk to one of us. Once we knew the game, we'd go sit just a few feet away. He'd take a few steps and then fall into our arms.

Yesterday, when Jan the PT was here, I told her about it and she wanted to see. So I tried putting him against a wall in the living room where we were working. And he walked to me. At least 5 steps. She was very impressed with him. And she was glad because at 18 months, he is at the outer limits of what is considered normal for learning to walk. She admitted she'd been getting worried. I hadn't been worried since he's shown so much progress and I didn't even realize she was worried.

After she left, we took the video below. I couldn't back up fast enough to see how far he could walk. He was so proud of himself and wanted to do it over and over.

So of course now all he wants to do is walk. Yesterday, after his nap we went out to run some errands. We went to the bank where he very reluctantly rode in his stroller. The next stop was to see Kim at Starbucks (where she also works) and to get a snack there. He really, really did not want to ride in the stroller, so I carried him across the parking lot (he wasn't too happy about that, either) and then let him walk with me. It's hard to stand in line with a baby that wants to constantly move. Three nice women offered to let him stand at their table with them while I got my coffee, but he just wanted to keep walking.

It's definitely a challenge now since he isn't just content to walk - he also wants to chart our course. Which is often counter to where we need to go. After Starbucks, we went to the library and when he wasn't going in the direction we needed to go, he screamed when I picked him up. That gets some stares - especially when you are in the library. I see a lot of that in our future. I've seen that mother with the child throwing a tantrum in public and now I am her.

This morning, Aaron wanted to practice his new skill. Over and over and over. He crawls over the the spot by the keyboard, uses the black cube to stand up, gets his balance against the wall, and then goes for it. And he tends to laugh most of the way.

He's getting very good at it, although he still wants one of us to hold his hand and walk around the house with him. My mom says now I'll wonder why I was in such a hurry for him to walk. But I really wasn't. I didn't mind that he wasn't walking when he was younger, but since the professionals told me he needed some encouragement, I did what I thought was in his best interests. And really, considering he is approaching 19 months, we've had a lot longer than most parents to enjoy the non-walking part of his life.

Voting

Despite the misting rain, we decided to walk to our polling place as we do every election. We vote in the garage of a house that is a 5-10 minute walk from here. We get there and Thom stays with Aaron while I go to vote. I tell the guy my last name, saying the first two letters several times. He looks at the white sheets in his rolls and says he doesn't see it. From where I'm standing, it looks like he wasn't on the right page - maybe a page or two before my last name would appear. I asked if he was sure, but by then, he was checking the blue pages and then the pink pages, and still doesn't find it.

I'm getting annoyed because I'm a registered voter and I've voted every election since we moved here 3 1/2 years ago, including the primary, so there is no reason for me not to be on the rolls. I asked him to check again, which he does, but he still holds the pages so I cannot see where he is looking. Usually, the poll worker has the sheets flat on the table and scans down the list where I can see.

Finally, without suggesting any of the other poll workers double-check, he offers me a provisional ballot. I refuse because a) provisional ballots are not counted tonight, they are counted after the fact, after they verify that you are a registered voter and b) I shouldn't have to cast a provisional ballot when I am a valid registered voter. I stepped aside to let the few other people in line vote while I talked to Thom. One of the poll workers asked if we had our voter pamphlets that list our precinct. We had left them at home since we've never needed them and knew how we were voting.

So we walk home in the misting rain to get our voter pamphlets. We drive back (at this point Thom is going to be really late for work - and it's raining harder) and this time, with the spelling in front of him, the guy finds our names on the rolls. On the white sheets, where I suspected they were. He doesn't apologize, but mumbles something about how he must have been looking under the wrong spelling.

When we got to the polls the first time, the guy in front of me was signing an orange sheet for a provisional ballot. I noticed maybe 8-10 signatures on that page. At 9:30 in the morning. I was surprised there were so many provisional ballots, but figured a lot of people must have registered late in the process. Now I suspect this half-wit polling worker just didn't search diligently through the rolls. I wouldn't be so annoyed with him if a provisional ballot was the same as a regular ballot. I think if you are going to work the polls, you should care enough to really verify that someone isn't on the rolls before offering a provisional ballot.

On the plus side, Aaron seemed to entertain the poll workers while I was voting. I heard laughter and when I came out, he had an "I voted" sticker upside down on his overalls. Only it was in Vietnamese. Which actually makes sense - I can't understand half of what he says, so I'm not surprised he knows Vietnamese.

Kissing and Talking

Aaron just started making kisses a couple weeks ago. One day, he was making lots of kisses while he was playing, so I tried to catch it on video. In this first video, he does one kiss, but the rest he is just playing with his Duplos (you can see how serious he is about it).

In the next video, we gave up on the kisses, and tried to get him to say a few words since we haven't been recording his voice. And the way he says words is so cute right now. At the end of this next video, he says Papa, which he always whispers for some reason. Also, for some reason, when I try to take video, he will often come over and hug me, as you'll see at the end of this clip.

Playing with Dolls and Bear

Aaron plays with one of my old Cabbage Patch dolls (shown above), my doll "My Friend Mandy" (a popular doll back in the day), and his bear that Grandma made him. Mandy isn't in any of the pictures here, but she was around. Kim took these pictures one day when she was watching him.

After lunch, if it is warm, Kim will take off Aaron's pants. They seem to end up on Bear.

I'm not sure what is going on above. But Aaron obviously loves playing with Bear.

Although the dolls and Bear "live" over with the rest of his toys, I often find them sitting on one of the dining room chairs after Kim has been here.

Aaron the Builder

When Aaron was about 15 months old, he was getting bored with the toys he had, so I went to Target in seach of something to buy that day (usually I will order toys online when I can, but I wanted something he could play with immediately). I found a set of 70 Duplos and even though it said they were for 18 months and older, I didn't think he'd choke on them, so I decided to try them out on him.

They were a big hit. It didn't take him long to figure out how they connect. At first he couldn't always get them lined up, but he knew which way was right-side up and we would help him line them up and attach them to the square blue 8x8 base that came with the set.

Within a moth or two, he would use up all the Duplos in his "buildings". Since the set of 70 had cost over $20, I decided to look on eBay. I'd had some success in getting him gently used clothing at great prices, and since Duplos hold up well, I thought it would be a good way to get a lot of Duplos at a good price.

And I was right. I found an auction by a woman who was getting rid of her son's Duplos from 1979. There were 175+ pieces, including a red barn, animals, cars, a tow truck, lots of little people, doors and windows, and a few other special pieces from a school-themed, town-themed and farm-themed sets. (You can see the red barn in the pictures above. Aaron builds on the roof of it.) With shipping, the total was just under $33. Some of the pieces aren't in perfect shape - the barn is missing one of it's handles, but most of the pieces which are just 2x4 and 2x2 bricks are almost indistinguishable from the newer ones. And the lot included a lot of special pieces that you can't buy new today.

He spends a good part of his day playing with his Duplos. Maybe we have an engineer in the making. When my sister found out he likes Duplos, she gave me a container full from her twins who have moved on to Legos, so we have plenty of building materials now.

Dress Up

Aaron got a plastic construction hat from his friend Gabe's Bob the Builder themed 2nd birthday party. And we had a set of kid's sunglasses from a goody bag we got at an Oscar party (they are supposed to be movie-star glasses, I think.) Anyway, Aaron enjoys "dressing up" in the hat and/or glasses.The problem is, he takes the glasses off almost immediately - before handing them back to me to put them back on. I put the glasses on, then the hat, then grabbed the camera, but by the time I got a shot, he was removing the glasses. So I have several pictures of him in the hat, with the sunglasses in his hand.

Finally, I skipped the hat, just put on the glasses and got this shot.

Again with the hat on, glasses in hand. Want to know what he's looking at?

Himself in the mirror. One of his favorite pastimes. I don't think I thought the mirror would stay in his play area for so long, but he loves to look at himself with the glasses and/or hat on. And sometimes, he seems to just like to look at himself, as if to confirm that he is still adorable. He'll just crawl over by the mirror and act silly in front of it.

Notice how the mirror is on the other side of the railing between the dining and living rooms? It didn't start off that way, but once he got grabby, we had to move it. He is now big enough to reach through and pull on the mirror, but we discourage that.

His construction hat has a sticker under the brim. It says that it is a toy. It does not offer protection. Because the thin plastic material that dents with the touch of a finger might lead you to believe it does offer protection.

Halloween

I didn't dress Aaron up this year, either, but I did put this monster shirt on him for the day. (He's outgrowing it as you can tell from the sleeves.) He also has an orange shirt with a jack-o-lantern that was a hand-me-down and he wore that on Thursday to his sing-along in the park which had a little Halloween party.
I think he'll be ready for Halloween next year. I think before he goes trick or treating he should at least be able to say "Trick or Treat" and "Thank you", should be able to walk, and should be able to hold his own candy bag. Plus I think next year he will actually enjoy wearing a costume. Although he does like putting on his construction had and sun glasses and seeing how he looks, he doesn't like to keep them on.

I was hoping he would at least get to pass out Halloween candy, but we only had 2 kids come this year, a brother and sister, and they came after Aaron went to bed. Usually we get a handful of kids, so this was a lower turn out than usual. Surprising for a Friday night, but we do live on a street with no sidewalks or street lights and with mostly elderly neighbors without kids.

But our Trader Joe's shopping center also offers Trick or Treating for kids, which is where we will probably take Aaron next year. As we were finishing up our regular Friday grocery store trip, we ran into our friends Bill and Heidi in the parking lot, unloading their 3 girls for some trick or treating. We'll have to ask them how it was.

Wedding

We went to a wedding this morning for Thom's friend Ann. He worked with Ann and another woman, Carolyn, when I first met him. They were the entire staff of the local office of a national company, so they were pretty close.

Not long after Thom and I started dating, he changed companies, and shortly after that, Ann and Carolyn also went their own ways. But the three of them stayed in touch and still meet for lunch a couple times a year. Ann and Allex and Carolyn came to our wedding 7 years ago, and a couple years ago, we all went to Carolyn's wedding. Ann and Allex have been together longer than us - 14 years compared to our 10, but only recently have they been granted to right to marry.

The ceremony was held outside and the weather was beautiful. Aaron was especially entranced by the live music. I brought Duplos and books to help keep him entertained, too, but for awhile he was content to just watch the musicians.

When a song would end, even if Aaron was looking at his book, he stopped to clap. And when the ceremony started, he kept watching them and signing "Please", hoping they would play another song.
Allex and Ann's dog Aloha participated in the ceremony, and given her name, I thought Aaron's Hawaiian shirt was appropriate. We don't have any formal wear for him, so jeans and a button down shirt were the best I could do. But I did put on his adorable little shoes from our friends Crystal and Eric, which he toddled around in (with one hand held) before the ceremony and later at the reception.

The wedding ceremony was a Taoist ceremony, which was new for us. The man performing the ceremony (I'm not sure what his title was) came out before hand and explained a little about what we would see, which was a nice touch since it was probably the first Taoist wedding most of us had been to.

Not only did the service start on time, but it was over in 15 minutes. That's my kind of wedding, especially with a baby in tow.

The reception was at Ann and Allex's house. They have a lovely backyard garden and we enjoyed a nice brunch reception. Aaron was pretty good for most of it, eating lots of melon and scone. But eventually, he had to get up and walk around, especially up the 11 steps from the back yard to the entrance to the house.

We shared a table with Carolyn and a mother and daughter we just met. The daughter is a 2nd grade teacher in a local school district. We were talking a little about Prop 8, which would amend the state constitution to prevent similar weddings. The teacher was angry over the ads that have been running saying that schools will have to teach gay marriage. She said she doesn't even teach about marriage in her class. It's unfortunate that the Yes on 8 campaign has resorted to lies to try to sway voters. I just hope that the right to marry isn't overturned on Tuesday.